When breathing is all there is...

The past several days I've heard of some devastatingly real events that have ravaged the hearts and joy of a few good friends in ways that I couldn't even bear to imagine. Lindsay told me of one that confused the mind as much as grieve the spirit. The moment I heard the news I automatically said "What if I that were my girl?" Even that thought made me cry. I feel at this point in my life I haven't even tasted a morsel pain and suffering. Well, maybe a morsel. All along I've been trying to figure out how this thing works, maybe it's ignorant to even try. Maybe it's a hopeless endeavor.

Nothing seems to bring any kind of relief while standing in a thick cloud of despair. The cloud is to thick to breath in, to thick to see through, to thick to stay in. But you'll never find your way out. One deep breath will still never be enough to make it out alive, especially with your eyes blinded by the haze. There is only one hope. Jesus. And this may sound blasphemous but even he seems like he doesn't help. One of the more sobering stories for me in all the bible is in John 11, the death and resurrection of Lazarus. This event makes me fall in love with the Christ while at the same time it confuses me to no ends.

Lazarus, a man loved by Jesus. Jesus not only loved Lazarus but also his sisters Mary and Martha. Mary sent a message to Jesus that Lazarus was sick and getting sicker. When Jesus hears this He doesn't immediately start back. He tells his disciples that Lazarus will die but his sickness will not end there, it will glorify Himself. He then stayed where he was for two more days and then started his journey back to Judea with the plan of raising Lazarus. When Jesus comes into the village he is overwhelmed by grief because all the people were weeping. The next thing that happens is what I love about Jesus.

JESUS WEPT!

Jesus wept with those who wept and mourned with those who mourned. How... How... I have no word to describe this. When my granny Sarah died, Jesus wept with me, mourned with me. He cares! He cares! He cares! Oh, what a friend we have in Jesus! I don't mean that in the small way that he just wants to hear about our day. Jesus, when we are facing unspeakable anguish, knows to not give us explanations that don't help, but to cry with us while simply saying "I love you my child."

Now the confusing things to me are something I can't explain except to say this: God has plans far bigger than us and if God would like for us to suffer as a part of what He is doing then who are we to argue. For most that is not sufficient and for all who are suffering like I have described will never be consoled by that in the midst of pain. One question to ask (there are many more): Is it a little mean for Jesus to decide to let Lazarus and many more people suffer so He can glorify himself? Is there no other way to go about this thing? Maybe not. The only consolation, and the most in the all of scripture I must add, found here is that regardless how things play out, he is a friend, a friend indeed. In the cloud of despair that is far from navigable, maybe the only thing that helps is a friend willing feel the pain with you, a friend willing to share precious breath with you when your own refuses to hold out. When breathing is all there is to do, I will do it with you.

Oh! What a friend we have in Jesus.